The free prisoner

All I want to do is live my life,
Not stand in the corner afraid to step out,
My sanity now lies on the edge of a knife,
Let me be else I would jump into the abyss without a shout.

From the place where I stand at the moment,
Life seems as bleak as possible,
Every waking second is a torment,
Every dream I have dreamed seems impossible.

Caught in the flux of emotions,
The air so heavy that I can’t see myself,
Seems like I have jumped in the middle of the deepest oceans,
Drowning and shouting, at a fight with my soul itself.

The façade behind which I hide, cracking,
My grip on the reality, slipping,
The zest that used to be me, lacking,
The yearning to live, diminishing.

What do I do when the ones close to me are no more there?
No closer to be the man, whom I wanted to be,
My soul has now turned into a desert; empty and bare,
An enlarging void in my heart, that no one else can see.

Impossible is the pain of the venom to bear.
Spewed at me by those who were close,
Nothing works to calm me down, no words or prayer,
As I wait in pain, for the last deathly blow.

See the cruelty of my fate,
It dances around not giving me anything that I want,
Mocking me and laughing at my state,
Whispering my crushed dreams with a cruel laugh, again and again till it haunts.

As I sit and contemplate my end,
My strength of will deserts me,
As if to humiliate, refuses my pleas for it to be lent,
And I curl up on the sidewalk, all alone, a prisoner who is free.

The Dead Stranger

Almost dead inside,
rotting at a fast pace,
no clear answers to give nor can decide,
soon it would be a nameless corpse with a decayed face.

Life, no glamour or show of courage,
bereft of all traces of emotions,
a soul long dead before a ripe physical age,
Just a shell, living on with accusations and allegations.

A breath of air trapped inside,
its life potency dwindling slowly,
yet no craving for life resides,
for the shell holds nothing holy.

A sad end to all the dreams,
that once were the driving force of this life,
prayers now hold no salvation for the muted screams,
maybe things would be different in the afterlife.

How the shell came into being no one knows,
but now it lies, unearthed even in its end,
a pitiful example, a culmination of all its woes,
Tragic, that life turned out to be so different from what the shell intends.

Loss is the only thing of prominence,
Hollow is the soul that has left after facing such pain,
no clairvoyant can see what was its last show of defiance,
or maybe there was none and his death was slow and insane.

The coroner declares the death of a multitude of blows,
but I believe that it was something inside which died long ago,
not a multitude of enemies who left him looking like a ragged scarecrow,
Yet, what really killed him, no one will ever know.

No one to claim him nor any reports of him being missing,
a sheer wastage of the life he lived,
not a soul to weep over his passing,
or show that he was wanted and loved.

I am alone at his funeral,
seems like he lived alone,just him against the universe,
I am there, as an empty funeral felt unnatural,
For the poor soul, felt more like curse.

As I look at the face of the poor shell on the pyre,
I amusingly wish to see a small smile for the final release from his mortal prison,
And yet I start to feel as if everything turns into a moire,
as I am standing looking at my father's only son.

Today, My Life

Its getting harder to breathe...
Harder to see whats in front of my eyes,
harder to sift the truth from the lies,
to live the life that i wanted to lead.

there is nothing left inside,
my head swoons with a hangover of the past,
in my heart, the man i was to become, no longer resides,
its just an empty wasteland, dead and vast.

i see the people who i have killed,
their faces in agony, when I sleep,
in the corners of my heart a new terror has filled,
and i see that one face that makes my soul weep.

The pain has become a constant companion,
anger is inside, compassion is missing,
the wasteland is its dominion,
I find myself on my knees, praying, nay wishing.

The smoke from the cigerettes swirling near my face,
the daily drinks I need to placate my soul,
anything to just shorten the night and ease my thoughts pace,
yet in the wasteland, the creatures laugh and howl.

They mock me and wait for me,
they know that I am going to join them soon,
Not a moment in the day are my thoughts ever free,
they circle, like vultures, flying over a dead man in the afternoon.

A lot of my life I regret,
sadness and a facade are my daily wear,
like a favourite horse who loses each bet,
silent, all the loving voices, I long to hear.

Dreamsss

Asleep at night,
The devil hidden inside me comes to life,
and destroys all, that i have built, in a gruesome fight
At dawn, he disappears, leaving in my hands a bloody knife.

I wake up to the sound of a retreating roar,
and see the world of mine in tatters,
I wish what i see now is just a myth, a lore,
But alas, He is real, and destroyed everything that matters.

I try and build what I had,
straining to see beyond my tear laden eyes,
Digging through the rubble like mad,
Shorn of all vices and guise.

But at dusk, with broken nails,
Exhaustion creeps over me and I fall asleep,
The Demon, My tormentor, rises and assails,
and destroys all my work in one single sweep.

I wake up again to a bright sunny day,
in the mist of my dreams, hear the horses neigh,
I wake up with ajolt and see the ruins, in front of my eyes, that lay
and see a blood filled quaigh.

I anguish over the pain that has been wrought again,
Curse the Gods and the Demon, I am whose prey,
and do not build anything as i know it would be all in vain,
At the last rays of the sunset, I stay awake lest my mind wanders astray.

I do not sleep even though its past midnight,
Some force shackles me and keeps me awake,
For I now must confront this demon tonight,
and battle with him for my life is now at stake.

A mist envelops the corners of my eyes,
I see a black horse with fire for his bitt,
and it speaks with a thunder that sounds loud in the skies,
points to the qualigh for me to drink, to whose will I submit.

Suddenly the night turns to day,
The shadowy figure and the horse turns to a bright shining light,
An angel stands in the place of the demon I had sworn to slay,
and I cant imagine the things before my sight.

All my dreams and hardwork is restored,
All my bruises and pain have vanished,
And I in the garbs I could never afford,
As if all my fears have been banished.

The Angel speaks to me in a lullaby,
The voice as sweet as I have never heard before,
Tells me that the Demon is actually me,
and had become the monster I so abhor.

The divine being tells me that the schakles have now been broken,
All i ever wanted to build was now in front of me,
The blood has made the man inside of me reawaken,
And I was finally free to be whoever I wanted to be.

The boy.. the Man

There was once a boy,
Who was growing up in his own way,
He was neither shy nor found of a toy,
but in his heart a fear would always stay.

He grew up thinking of becoming the man he idolised,
but life threw so many pebbles at him that he became demoralised,
In his own soul, a demon had made him his prey,
and at the opporutne moment, it attacked, and the boy went astray.

The man, the boy became,
if the boy could see in the future,
would hang his head with shame,
for he hurted others and still did not know the reason why,all he could do was lie.

Thats who the man is now,
He knows how became this way,but still he questions as to how,
but he knows that now he has to pay.

He will not ever know love,
for his heart has been turned to stone,yet, for answers, he looks to heaven above,
he has made himself so,
and now he will always be alone.

The world is moving all around him,yet he cant go on,
Life does not wait for anyone, he knows,he feels like a pawn,
in the frontline.. battling the blows,
waiting desperately for the coming daen!!!

A DIALOGUE OF HEARTS

My trains leaving,

You I won’t be seeing,

I wish you weren’t so trusting,

For nothing is everlasting.

Here and now I say goodbye,

For now I can’t lie,

Can you remain as my friend?

And this is how it has to end.

You hurt me and made me cry,

But you did try,

To be by my side always,

The feelings I had were real,

But that’s not what I now feel,

Our future ahead is hazy,

But continuing would be crazy.

The whistles blowing,

And I should be going,

Like a firefly in the night,

Destinies change when the time is right.

So this is my last kiss,

You I will always miss,

She leaves and I dont follow,

And I just stand there in her afterglow.